


I Think I Have a Crush

by aidyr



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Crushes, Cuddles, Danganronpa is my drug and Irumatsu is the trashcan I inhabit, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Iruma Miu's Dirty Mouth, Kaede is my angel please protect her, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Post-Game, Romance, big ol spoilers for first and last chapters of v3, talking through panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 04:17:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20576333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aidyr/pseuds/aidyr
Summary: After the events of V3, Kaede wakes up along with the rest of the 53rd killing game participants. Apparently Team Danganronpa had lied about a couple things, (no surprises there.) It's great that they're all alive but... their experiences have definitely left some mental scars. Kaede wakes up one night in the midst of a panic-attack and ends up going to Miu for some much needed comfort.Lots of hurt/comfort with a nice layer of fluff.





	I Think I Have a Crush

She woke up with a tight feeling around her neck. It pulled at her, taunted her, and reminded her all too poignantly of the Flea Waltz; the distorted notes of the beginner’s melody looped over and over in the back of her mind. Each note strengthened the suffocating feeling at her throat. She brought her fingers up to feel around her neck— she needed to be sure there was no rope there.

Kaede hadn’t even realized she was hyperventilating.

She hadn’t touched a piano since waking up from comatose.

Turns out Team Danganronpa had lied about a few things. For one, her personality hadn’t been given a complete and utter overhaul. Thank God. It shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone that they’d lie. But she vividly recalled the strange and terrifying concoction of dazed confusion and panic she’d felt upon waking from her artificial sleep.

Kaede found - much to her and everyone else’s relief - that she was still more or less the same person she’d been in the simulation. She had a bit more bite to her now, and a sneaking sense of pessimism that she hadn’t had in the game. But at the end of the day, she was mostly the same. She couldn’t remember if she’d always been this way, or if the supposed “cynical bitch” version of herself had at one point been reality. She rather hoped not. A possible theory was that the current post-game version of herself was some sort of amalgamation of her pre-game and during-game self. That was all just speculation though. 

Second, and this was interesting, she had retained her affinity for the piano. While she couldn’t remember how much of her personality was created and what had been changed, she was 99% sure her passion for the piano was entirely artificial; created for the purpose of her “character.” But here she was, after the fact, still able to name countless famous pianists and feeling certain she could play out their songs. Though… as said… she hadn’t _actually_ been able to bring herself to touch the ivory keys.

Last but certainly not least, (though perhaps it was obvious at this point,) none of the participants of the 53rd killing game had really and truly died. Thinking back on it, she couldn’t have known this to be the case when she’d allegedly volunteered to go through that hell. It sent shivers down her spine to imagine the whole thing was just some elaborate suicide attempt on her part. Her pre-game memories were still fuzzy at the best of times, but had she really cared so little for her own life? The lives of others?

What a horrid thought.

It still filled her with crushing guilt whenever she walked by Rantaro. The details of his death had been given to her after she’d woken up (at which point she firmly decided to stop being such a flirt with Tsumugi. That glasses-wearing hussy could piss right off.) But it still weighed like a steel ball in her stomach to know she’d even attempted to end another’s life. She had gone through with it, and it was mere happenstance that her planned failed. Rantaro had been much _much_ too willing to accept her pathetic and teary apology. What she did, or tried to do, was reprehensible. 

She hated what she had done. She hated that she had volunteered to participate in the first place. She hated that the piano called to her yet she couldn’t bring herself to approach one. She hated the flashing images of her execution that haunted her when she closed her eyes and the constricting feeling of imaginary rope around her neck.

She hated this. So, so much.

Kaede wanted to feel elated that she and everyone else had miraculously survived. But at times like this… sitting in bed, sweating and crying and panting and trembling like a frightened child… it was hard to truly appreciate being alive.

She wrapped her arms around her body in a feeble attempt to comfort herself. She felt cold and alone in the darkness of her room. The comfortable bed provided by Team Danganronpa did little to soothe her and the homey decor felt anything but. She was hurting and scared.

Her heart thudded against her chest. Her breathing was shallow.

_She needed to talk to someone._

Pulling the covers off, she wobbled pitifully out of bed. Her mind was reeling— ridiculing her with the distant sounds of Der Flohwalzer. She continued to hyperventilate, she found breathing difficult, yet somehow she managed to make her way out of the bedroom and into the dormitory’s main area.

Desperately, she scanned her surroundings, searching for someone to confide in. Shuichi was gone on a trip, and he wouldn’t be back for another week or so. Kirumi would obviously lend an ear if asked, but even in her state of mind, Kaede knew she’d feel terrible taking advantage of her eagerness to serve. Especially at this time of night. In fact, she’d feel bad for waking anyone up at such an ungodly hour.

A low and quiet whimper made its way from the back of her throat. She felt so goddamn pathetic.

But then it dawned on her: if anyone was likely awake, it was Miu Iruma. Not necessarily her first pick for a shoulder to cry on, but it was her best bet. Besides, Miu wasn’t all that bad. She was cocksure and had a terrible way with words, but she was a good person. 

Wearily and still short of breath, Kaede hobbled sadly to Miu’s bedroom door. She closed her eyes and made a silent prayer that the uppish “gorgeous girl genius” would be awake and willing to hear her out. Kaede didn’t know what she’d do if she was turned away.

Probably slink back to her room and sob quietly in the dark for the next few hours.

Trying (and failing) her utmost to look presentable, Kaede knocked anxiously on Miu’s door. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth and listened closely for any sign that the younger girl was awake.

Just as she was ready to give up and wallow in sadness, pain and panic— a tired looking strawberry blonde answered the door. She was grumbling under her breath, looking particularly pissy. “What in the name of fuck do you want at four in the motherfucking goddamn morning Kaeidiot?” Her eyes were sunken and sleepy.

_Looks like I woke her up after all…_ Kaede thought to herself sorrowfully.

Kaede opened her mouth to respond, but felt her breath catch in her throat. She hadn’t yet tried to talk since entering panic-mode and there wasn’t a chance she was going to be able to eloquently explain herself.

“I-I umm…” She attempted weakly to speak her mind. Her voice wobbled as she tripped over her words. “I… S-s-orry, I didn’t um… shit I m-mean I… I… Sorry I’m just…” Her chest felt tight. Tears pricked the corners of her vision. She’d finally reached peak panic-attack. “I… can’t… b-breath.” 

Miu’s grumpy, late-night resting bitch face softened immediately. Kaede couldn’t tell if she looked more sympathetic or uncomfortable though— probably a mixture of both.

“I…” Miu looked between her shaken guest and the darkness surrounding them. She sighed, stepping aside and motioning towards her dorm room. “D-do you… um… wanna come in?”

In place of an answer, Kaede nodded silently.

The two made their way inside.

After flipping on the lights, Miu led Kaede to sit on her bed. “I’ll be right back alright?” She assured the teary-eyed blonde. “Just uh… sit tight.” She then left to retrieve something from her cupboards. Kaede heard her rummaging around but couldn’t bring herself to focus on what she was looking for. She stared down at her lap, trying to ignore the tight, pulling feeling around her throat. She felt kind of sick… she could feel the metal ring around her neck. She could feel the rope. She could hear the music.

Her tears spilled over with a shuddering sob.

Moments later Miu returned. She was holding a small cup of water. Hesitance was written all over her face, but regardless, she took a seat next to Kaede. Awkwardly, she held the glass towards her. “Here…” She offered, “it’s just water.”

With shaking hands, Kaede accepted the water appreciatively. She brought the cool liquid to her lips and hurriedly gulped it down.

Miu shifted where she sat. Her brows furrowed, and though she looked concerned, she seemed unsure how to approach the situation. Seconds passed wherein Miu sat and watched helplessly as Kaede trembled and drew labored breath. It was hard to blame her for being uneasy though. It was really late and this was a difficult predicament to put someone in.

Finally, steeling herself, Miu placed a gentle hand of Kaede’s shoulder and spoke more gently than the blonde had ever heard from her. Her hands were clammy and she seemed tense, but she was clearly trying her best. “O-okay… Bakamatsu? Just uh… nod or whatever, okay? You don’t gotta talk. Fuck uh… can you breath?”

Kaede opened her mouth to speak, but found it difficult. She relented, and gently shook her head _no._

Miu nodded. She looked deep in thought. Like she was assessing the dilemma in her head; figuring out how best to handle it. “O-okay… okay uh… I want you to breath along with me, kay? I’ll count, you breath. You follow?”

Kaede nodded.

Miu started, “Cool… One, just breath… focus on breathing.” She mumbled something inaudible under her breath. “Two… three… four… five…” She continued to count until they hit sixty.

“Better?” Miu asked, hopeful and nervous.

Kaede closed her eyes. Her breathing was evening out. She found her voice, weak as it was. “Y-yeah… Yeah I can breathe now.”

Miu released a deep, relieved exhale. “Holy shit, give me a heart attack why don’t you?” Miu’s body relaxed into the plush covers of her bed.

“Sorry…” Mumbled Kaede, genuinely apologetic. She vaguely noticed the wetness streaking down her own face.

“It’s… fine.” Miu responds with a dismissive wave of her hand. “You don’t have to apologize for every-fuckin-thing. Especially not whatever the hell that just was.” She shot a sideways glance in Kaede’s direction and frowned. “Hm… Looks like you’re still freaking out a bit though.” No doubt she noticed how Kaede continued to quiver and cry despite her breath returning to her.

“I…” Kaede took a moment to gather her thoughts. “I-I’m sorry… It’s so early, and you were probably sleeping. I hate to bother you but… I-I just needed to talk to someone…”

Miu hummed quietly in response. Gingerly, she lifted a hand to wipe the salty tears away from Kaede’s eyes. It was crazy how she could be so different yet so the same. Miu was still her good ol’ vulgar, loud mouthed, boisterous self. She still crumbled under scrutiny and tensed when people became too energetic around her. But there was a new side to her as well. One which had gone unseen during their time in the killing game. She was more emotionally aware, less abrasive, and apparently, more willing to take a shot at comforting someone. Even if she was awkward and hesitant about it. “Well… I was asleep. But who gives a rats ass? What’s got you all…” She made a vague gesture towards the blonde, “y’know.”

“I uh…” Kaede’s hand found itself sneaking up towards her neck. She tugged at the collar of her nightshirt. She felt uncomfortable even thinking about it. “I kept thinking about… my execution.”

“Ah…” Miu made a solemn face of understanding.

“N-not just that though.” Kaede confessed. “Everything from the killing game. The stress, the guilt, the pain, the sadness… It’s just too much sometimes.” She grit her teeth, brows furrowed. “I swear I can still… _feel_ that damned noose around my neck sometimes. It’s so suffocating.” She cringed, feeling a brief panic flare up in her chest again, but forced it down.

“I getcha… Those Danganronpa fucktards really pulled a fast one over us, huh?” Miu offered Kaede a lopsided smile. A smile which Kaede returned.

“You can say that again,” she replied with a broken, tired chuckle. “I don’t know what past me was thinking.”

Miu clicked her tongue. Kaede saw her fidget briefly, before turning to face her with a certain sort of determination. “D-do you uh… want a fuckin hug or some shit? If that might help… I dunno.” 

Kaede managed a small, but very genuine smile. “That’s… I… Yes, please.”

Miu opened her arms in shy invitation. With a relieved sigh, Kaede allowed herself to fall into the inventor’s waiting embrace. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but Miu felt shockingly nice to hug. She was soft yet sturdy, warm and comfortable. Without realizing what she was doing, her body was already moving to nuzzle into the nape of Miu’s soft, pale neck. The other girl made a strange, guttural sound of embarrassed from the back of her throat but otherwise didn’t seem to mind the affection. Kaede glanced up to find Miu’s flustered and criminally adorable face. She felt her cheeks getting warmer. Miu was… pretty cute.

… Was now really the best time to be having those thoughts, though?

Rather than pull away - and this may have been a mistake - Kaede decided to push her luck. It’s been so long since she’s shared this kind of embrace with another person. She couldn’t even recall the last time. She wanted more. Kaede, now working off the tail end of her panic-attack, was touch starved and craved physical connection.

Unsure what would happen, but feeling too selfish to care, Kaede moved her arms from around Miu’s shoulders down to squeeze tight around her waist. Miu, once again, made an embarrassed ‘eep!’ but otherwise did nothing to push away Kaede’s advances. She buried her face more boldly into Miu’s neck and shoulder; she relished its softness and warmth. It was then that Kaede noticed how good Miu smelt. No offense to the other girl, but Kaede never pegged her as the type to practice proper hygienics. Being this close to her though… It was clear that assumption had been very wrong. Miu smelled of citrus. It was quite lovely. 

Miu’s arms were placed loosely and gawkishly around the suddenly clingy Kaede. Kaede smirked at the behavior, flattered that Miu was at least trying. “Thanks…” She spoke softly into the hug, “for indulging me. I needed this.”

Miu nodded slowly. “U-um… Yeah, f-fuck it, y’know? Consider yourself lucky K-Kaeidiot, some people would uh… would kill to hug a big-boobed hottie such as myself. R-relish it.” Her perverted and boorish remark lacked its usual confidence. She cleared her throat and avoided eye contact with the idiot in question.

Kaede noted however, much to her own embarrassment, that all the bragging Miu did about her chest wasn’t for nothing. It got pretty obnoxious at times, but she had to admit… The girl was pretty gifted in that area.

Kaede felt a heated blush spreading her cheeks.

“Er… R-right…”

They held the affectionate position for a couple more minutes before Kaede finally decided to push away. She had probably long since overstepped her boundaries and wasn’t looking to dig her grave any further. “Sorry about that Miu.” She giggled awkwardly to herself, averting her gaze. “That really did help me though.”

Miu blinked slowly. A gentle redness has begun forming on her face as well. “Yeah…” She mumbled quietly. “Don’t mention it…” 

Silence enveloped the pair. Neither knew what to do now that the moment had passed.

Kaede was, of course, the first one to speak up. “Well… I guess I should get going, huh?” Truth be told, she wasn’t thrilled by the idea of retreating meekly back to her room to wait out the rest of the night alone. But she couldn’t ask Miu for more than she’d already given her. “It’s late as hell and I hate to be a bother. Sorry about all this…” She moved the stand up. She stretched her tired limbs languidly above her head. 

With a nervous gulp and a forced grin, Kaede waved goodbye and turned to make her way out of the room. To her surprise though, she was stopped in her tracks by a gentle tug at her shirt. She turned to find Miu, looking at her with both worry and self-consciousness. “Are you okay?” The genuine concern in her voice took Kaede by surprise; she was completely disarmed by it. 

Kaede worked for a response. She wanted to lie. She wanted to say, _yeah sure, why wouldn’t I be?_ But she couldn’t. Her grin crumbled, her face dropping. She wearily met Miu’s eyes. “Am I really that easy to read?”

Miu let go of her sleeve and shrugged. “You’re not even an open book, you’re like if someone ripped all the pages out and scattered that shit to the four-motherfucking-winds.”

“Well damn, that’s harsh.” 

“I tell it like I see it.” Miu responded.

Kaede sighed. She felt defeated, having been seen through like glass. “Okay well… no, I’m not eager to go back to my room. But hey, it’s not fair of me to keep you up for the rest of the night is it?”

Miu looked down at her lap. She twiddled her thumbs anxiously. She was clearly thinking something, and Kaede raised a curious brow at what it could be.

“Well… um… fuck it.” Miu scooted over, and nodded towards her bed. “You wanna like, stay with me for the night? You don’t have to it’s not like I’m trying to get in your pants or whatever the fuck I’m just… y’know… I-if it might help that is… Damn it, you know what I mean!” 

Kaede stood wide-eyed at the offer. “Really…? You’d do that for me?”

Miu rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “Well… you were just having a literal mental breakdown. It’d be bitchy of me to kick you to the curb after that, wouldn’t it?”

Kaede quickly shook her head. “N-no not at all! If you're only offering out of obligation, really, don’t worry about it. I’ll manage.” 

Miu growled under her breath. Her entire disposition quickly changed. She looked kinda annoyed. “Damn it Kaede, I’m trying to say, I don’t mind! I don’t want you simpering back to your room, tail between your legs, just to fucking break down again. Get your fine ass in this bed! I, Miu Iruma, insist.” Her face and shoulders then relaxed, and she added more gently, “I can tell you don't wanna be alone, alright? Don’t make me argue this with you.” 

Kaede went to make a retort, but no good argument was coming to mind. So instead of trying to find a reason to leave, she simply shut up and went with the flow.

“Uh… y-yeah okay…” 

Kaede made her way to Miu’s bed. After exchanging one last meaningful look with the other girl, she slipped between the sheets. She watched as Miu went to turn out the lights. 

Miu’s bed was the same as her own; the same mattress and bed frame provided for them by Team Danganronpa. But somehow, sleeping in someone else’s bed, even while technically the same, felt very different. She laid down and began to get comfortable. The pillows Miu owned seemed softer than hers, and the sheets felt cozier. Everything also smelled faintly of Miu— it had that same wonderful citrus smell. Not long after she’d gotten in bed had Miu followed after her. She pulled up the covers and shifted smoothly underneath them. Kaede felt a rush of warmth when Miu’s body settled next to her own.

With the lights out, Kaede couldn’t see the other girl too well. But she could absolutely feel her presence.

All was quiet for at least ten minutes, but two words were fighting to be said. Eventually, the calm silence had lost and the words slipped past Kaede’s lips. “Thank you.”

Miu grunted. Her voice was small, and flustered. “Like I said… D-don’t mention it.”

For the first time since waking up, Kaede felt her lips tug into a full, genuine, unhindered smile. Her heart fluttered, and she surrendered to the urge to ask one last selfish favor. “H-hey Miu… I might still be a little scared… do you mind if I try something?”

“Um… sure?”

Kaede smirked. She then moved to get closer to Miu, who was facing the opposite direction. She slipped her arms around her waist for the second time that night, and snuggled her face into Miu’s upper back. She stifled a giggle at the way Miu stiffened only to relax into the cuddle with a content and happy sounding sigh. Kaede checked again to make sure this was okay, “Are you fine with this…?”

Miu hesitated, but eventually came to a satisfying conclusion. “Yeah. It’s cool.”

Kaede’s smile grew even larger. She nuzzled affectionately into the warmth in front of her. She felt her cheeks flush and her heart beat faster. 

_I think I have a crush,_ Kaede thought giddily to herself, before finally allowing her body to relax completely.

She fell into a very pleasant, very restful slumber. And awoke the next morning in the comforting embrace of a certain profane, loud-mouthed, softie.

**Author's Note:**

> Yay more Danganronpa!
> 
> Kaede is maybe my favorite character. Idk it's a close call between her and Komaru. Chiaki's a close third. The world needs more Irumatsu though, and I'm here to provide. I wanted to write something post-game and I was in the mood to write some hurt/comfort, so this seemed perfect.
> 
> Kaede is my baby and it hurts me to hurt her, but... well... I gotta get my hurt/comfort fix. (By far my favorite fanfic trope.)
> 
> Anywho, I'll probably be writing more DR in the future so look forward to that I guess. I may do some Tokomaru next.


End file.
